The Truth About Taking Accountability

How bad do you want to get to the next level? How bad do you want to improve?

I think a lot of us think about these sorts of things with everyday life, and I know I see it a lot with hockey.

Players talking about how they want to play at the next level, or how they want things to be different next year.

But that just naturally leads to the next question of, how are you going to do those things, and how bad do you really want it?

It's really easy to say all the right things. It's really hard to actually follow through.

I feel like I see this more and more, unfortunately. Players making these awesome statements about the things they are going to do but then not be willing to fully commit and go after it the way they need to.

I also see a lot of blaming going on when things don't work out the way that a player wants. It makes sense, we live in a society where it's easy to push blame off to others and not take accountability for our own success or failure.

But, the truth is, you have to be the one that drives yourself to success. Coaches, for example, are just another tool to help you get there, they can't be the sole motivating factor. Anyone who's truly successful at anything has to have a strong internal drive.

Ultimately, a big part of a coaches responsibility is to help push players to that next level and hold them accountable. But, the harsh reality is that your success or failure will not come down to a coach pushing you. In fact, the same can be said for anyone. You're not going to make it to where you want to be because of someone else, YOU will need to be the deciding factor.

Your success or failure will come down to how much you are willing to put in.

As the old saying goes, how hard are you working when no one is watching?

The players that can buy into that are the ones that will ultimately make it to the next level.

I know that looking back at my own career the things that I gained the most from were the things that no one knew I was doing.

Working out with my uncle on all those early mornings, shooting pucks in my driveway...those are some of the extra things that really helped develop my game and get me to where I wanted to be.

The point of this post is to not be discouraging at all. But rather, to remind you that it's really hard to get to the top, and that's ok. Be willing to take accountability for your goals and dreams and put the onus on yourself to make them happen. Don't rely on someone else to make your dreams come true. If you want something, YOU find a way to make it happen.

When your heart is in the right place and your mind is focused and strong you have the chance to make incredible things happen.

Believe in yourself and never be scared of some good, honest, hard work.

Conquer Your Hockey Fears: 6 Ways To Succeed

I've talked about fear before on this blog and how everyone goes through it as a hockey player. How you react to it can really make a difference. I think this article by John Haime, a mental performance coach, is really worth the read. He brings up a ton of good points and has a lot of great advice to overcome those obstacles and be your best. 

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” —Yoda

I think we can agree that fear isn’t fun. It makes you feel anxious, unsure of yourself and can have a significant impact on how much you enjoy the game. It also shrinks confidence—a secret weapon you need to play your best on the ice. And don’t forget, your fear can impact your hockey teammates too, so addressing your fears is important for both you and the success of your team!

What is it you’re afraid of in your game?

Well, it could be many things: like the real, tangible fear of failure, making mistakes, not reaching expectations set for you, disappointing your teammates, coaches or parents, or a rather lengthy list of reasons that can cause those uncomfortable feelings and take the enjoyment out of your game.

But fear not! There’s help on the way for you to address any fear you have and bring a more relaxed, carefree mindset to your game.

Biology Doesn’t Help

First, if you don’t feel fear you simply aren’t a human being. We all feel fear, to different degrees—it’s what makes us human. I have the privilege to work with some of the world’s leading athletes, including NHL players—and they feel fear—so it’s not surprising that you might feel fear in your game too.

To a degree, we are all prisoners of our biology. As human beings, we are built to survive and protect ourselves. The amygdala, or control center of the emotional brain, makes sure of that. This little alarm mechanism has ensured the survival of the human species for centuries. You know how it works: you perceive a threat, the alarm goes off and that uncomfortable feeling begins. We all are familiar with this feeling.

When human life was about “eat or be eaten” and our ancestors were dealing with real, life threatening challenges every day, the alarm was a must-have. But for you as a rec hockey player, the emotional brain doesn’t really know the difference between a hungry lion chasing your ancestor and your perceived threat of embarrassing yourself on the ice.

That’s important for you to know.

The What Ifs

Working with hockey players every day, the primary cause of fear that I address is a future projection of what a player believes may happen—what we call the “what ifs.” The tendency is projecting out that something negative may happen (protect mode) and that makes the athlete anxious in the moment, telling themselves things like “I can’t do it” or “Why am I doing this?”

An example for you might be... You arrive at the rink for a game, your teammates, coaches, parents and others are waiting for you to perform, and the voice inside you starts considering threats and acting up...

“WHAT IF I look dumb in front of everyone?”

“WHAT IF I screw up and let my team down?”

“WHAT IF I let my coach and supporters down?”

“WHAT IF I don’t play well?”

This creates your anxious feeling, and depending on the intensity of the feeling it can be a real distraction—and sometimes even overwhelming.

There are many “what if” scenarios that could distract you from your central purpose for playing the game: enjoying the game you love and achieving something important to you. Keep in mind that although you project out these things might happen, they almost always never do—and that’s important for you to remember.

Isolated experiences from the past can also create feelings of fear. Negative emotional memories can be brought forward to cause the anxious feelings and also distract you from the performance you’re facing. Experiences in the past are real and a part of you, but your focus must be on all of the great, positive experiences in the game (there will be many) leaving the few, negative ones behind.

So, there is nothing wrong with you for feeling fear. It is completely normal. Recognize that your emotional brain always has the antenna up to perceive threats. Remember the advice from Yoda as a first step: you must recognize your fear. Then, you must ask yourself the question of how much of a threat it really is.

Ideas & Strategies That Help Conquer Your Hockey Fears

Here are 6 simple recommendations that we might use with a player that can help you deal with your fears and put them in perspective:

1. Address your fears directly. What are you afraid of and what could be the reasons? When you understand what might be causing your fear and acknowledge it, it will help you consider ideas how on to address it.

2. Always remember your purpose for playing. “I love playing hockey because I love the speed, the competitive environment, the opportunity to show my skills and sharing an experience with my teammates.” Write your purpose down and keep it front and center—always! Your purpose will help you create perspective about what’s REALLY important in your game and why you are doing it.

Remember also that having a feeling of gratitude about the opportunity to play and do what you love to do can fill you with positive energy and dampen those feelings of fear.

3. Learn to manage the most important voice in your game—and your life—your own! Sometimes our own voice doesn’t help and tells you things you really don’t want to hear, building the threats into something bigger than they are.

It’s important to develop your own “emotional caddie”—a friendly, supportive voice that you might use if your best friend was having troubles. Try the same language and tone with yourself. A few suggestions might be:

“I can’t wait to test what I’ve been working on in practice.”

“Everyone watching is supporting me. I’ll treat them to some great play.”

“My best effort is all I can do. I might make a few mistakes, but being perfect doesn’t exist.”

“Pressure really gives my game meaning. This is where I want to be!

4. Confidence and constantly building it is a secret weapon to overcome fear. Creating a feeling of “knowing” you can do it in your practice and preparation will help keep those fearful “what if” thoughts from taking over. After all, you’ve done great work with the team and on your own. You know you can do it, so bring the same feelings and approach to the game ice.

5. Practice mindfulness to enjoy playing hockey and stay in the moment. The future is where your goals are, but you don’t achieve them without staying in the moment and paying attention to the steps that will get you to those goals. Choose to bring the positive experiences from the past forward to support your confidence—and choose to leave the few negative ones where they belong—behind you!

6. Know the difference between prove vs. improve. The goal in your game should always be trying to improve all of your skills (technical, physical, strategic, mental/emotional). Sometimes, when our goal is to “prove” ourselves to others, fear will creep in—the fear of the “what ifs” and trying to meet others’ expectations of you. Winning is great, but it will only come if you are doing the right things—enjoying yourself and trying to become a better player each and every day.

The Bottom Line: If fear is holding you back from really enjoying playing hockey and using all your abilities, fear not! Remember that you are in control of your fears and there are practical actions that can help you douse the flames, helping you to be a more confident, proactive player.

Follow these steps and you are well on your way to your Pursuit of Greatness!

John Haime is a Human Performance Coach who prepares performers to be their very best. He is passionate about helping others prepare, think and perform like a world-class athlete. This article appears on CrossIceHockey.com—For the Recreational Hockey Player, courtesy of HockeyShot.com.

My Hockey Advice

I'm part of a private Facebook group for coaches. 

Not just hockey coaches, but all types of coaches from all sorts of different levels and representing all sorts of different sports. 

It's been an awesome community to be a part of and is interesting to see other coaches perspectives on their sport. 

It got me thinking about this blog the other day when I saw something that was asking what's the best advice you can give to an athlete. 

So what's the best advice that I can give to a hockey player?

The more I thought about it, I realized that my advice isn't specific to hockey but really is useful for any athlete, or really anyone looking for advice. 

For me, it comes down to two things:

1. Be passionate about what you do.

2. Be willing to work incredibly hard day in and day out for whatever you're passionate about.

I really believe that if you can master those two concepts that you will always be able to find success in some fashion. 

As we all know, hockey is hard. 

If you want to be good at it, you're going to have to commit a lot of time, effort, and energy into becoming a hockey player. 

Days will get tough...hell seasons will be tough. But, if you want to be a hockey player then you need to have a passion for the game. A love so pure for the game that getting on the ice everyday is exciting. 

Now the beauty of this is that if you have a real passion for something, like hockey, then working hard at it shouldn't come as a huge struggle. 

The people that are really passionate about the game are the ones that really embrace the grind of it all. They take the good with the bad and make the best of it. 

I really believe that if you can find what you're passionate about and really work at it, you'll find success. 

Hard Work Is The Foundation

I don't ever want to sound like a broken record, but the importance of learning how to work can't be stressed enough.

There's a thing called shiny object syndrome. A lot of people have it, and hockey players are no different.

Basically, it means that its easy to get caught up in something new (and shiny) that pulls your attention and focus away from what really matters.

Hockey players fall into this same trap. In fact, even teams can get caught up in this same syndrome.

We recently had a team meeting where we were going over expectations for the second half of the season and having an open discussion about what we needed to do as a group to continue improving. It was a good conversation with a lot of good points brought up by different members of the team. (I like to have these types of meetings and let the players do the majority of the talking while I help moderate and keep the conversation going. I think it helps the players grow and take some accountability for THEIR team). Players were bringing up things like better tape to tape passing, finishing more checks, utilizing the points more in the offensive zone and so on and so forth. All great things and all definitely things that, if we do, will help us be a more successful team. After about five minutes of this, however, I stopped the group and gave some of my feedback.

I was happy with the conversation but I felt like we were missing something big. We were missing the foundation.

I like to compare it to building a house.

It doesn't make much sense to start building the roof first if you're building a house, right?

Of course not.

Think about the process of building a house. The first thing that is done, and really the center piece to the whole thing, is the foundation. Without a strong foundation, everything else is done in waste. You can have the most amazing floor plan in the world but if it doesn't have a solid foundation to sit on, then it doesn't really matter because you're never going to get to enjoy the actual house.

Just like a house, the foundation of any successful player or team has to be its work ethic. As a player, you can work on your stickhandling all day but if you don't know how to work you aren't going to be successful.

The same thing can be said for a team. 

As a team, you can work on passing and shooting and systems all day, but at the end of the day, if you don't have the work ethic ingrained as the top priority then it all doesn't matter.

The hard work, the will to go above and beyond, the ability to push through obstacles, the drive to show up everyday and give your best... that all has to be the priority. Those things build the foundation of a successful player and team.

Once you have that established then everything else (the shiny objects) are those extra intangibles that you can add to your game that will only help you continue to build upon that solid foundation.

The point behind this whole post is that it's easy to get caught up in the distractions that surround the game (or in life). Focus on the things that really matter and make sure that your foundation is strong and sturdy. A great foundation can withstand nearly anything that comes at it.

Remember, it takes no talent to work hard so keep grinding after the things you want. When all else fails, always be able to fall back on your work ethic.

Why The Little Things Matter So Much

I’m a huge believer that the little things really matter.

I always shake my head when I hear people talk about how the little things don’t really matter (don't sweat the small stuff...) and as long as you focus on big items you will be successful.

Success, obviously, is something that is interpreted differently by everyone. Most people have their own definition of what success is and means to them.

To me, hockey is all about the little things. I break down big things and into very small actions that when put together create successful big things.

For example, saying that you want to be good in the defensive zone or strong on faceoffs is all fine and dandy, but in order to truly be successful in these areas, you have to do a lot of little things right consistently.

Focus and master the details and then you will be truly successful.

If we use the example of being strong on faceoffs, there is a lot more that goes into it then just a center trying to win the puck back.

Let’s look at all the little things that really go into winning a defensive zone faceoff:

Centers: Before they even go into the faceoff circle they need to have some sort of communication with their teammates to ensure everyone is on the same page. Then they need to look at the opposing center and try to take into account what they are going to try and do to win the draw...are they going back? are they going to try and walk? are they just trying to tie up…? After that it’s about getting low and creating a wide, powerful, base. Finally, you have to find the puck in the referee's hand and try to anticipate the drop and first movement as best as possible. Once the puck is dropped, the center then needs to worry about tying up his man and finding the puck.

All of those little things… and that’s just for the center!

That doesn’t even cover the wings jobs and creating time for their defensemen and supporting through the middle to help control and win the puck.

The higher you go in hockey the more these little things, like faceoffs, truly come into play.

Teams that stress the little things and do them well are consistently the most successful in my opinion.

As a coach, I get asked all the time about what separates players from one and another and why do certain guys get used in key situations? The answer for me is always simple and comes down to two things: consistency and the little things.

We’ve talked before about the importance of consistency, but really consistency and doing the little things well work hand in hand together.

If you want to keep growing and developing as a player, become a student of the game. Understand what you need to do in every situation and focus on truly becoming a complete player. You may not always get all the spotlight and credit, but the role of these players is truly invaluable.

My advice for the best way for players to learn is to watch and ask questions.

Watch the things that great players do. Watch how they make the game slow down and make plays look so simple. Watch what they do on faceoffs and how they use their stick or their body to their advantage.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Whether it’s a coach or a veteran player, don’t be afraid to ask questions. I remember when I was a freshmen in college and was pretty intimidated by some of the upper classmen who had been around for a few years. I slowly but surely started asking questions and soon found out that true great leaders not only were eager to share their experiences and knowledge but also appreciated and came to respect me for wanting to learn from them.

Some of the best tricks I ever learned about the game came from veteran teammates, not coaches.

Become a sponge and absorb as much knowledge about the game as possible. This will help you understand the game on a deeper level and really be able to focus on those little things.

Remember, the players and teams that take pride in the little things, and make a point to do all the little things well, win the most hockey games.

If you look at your own game, do you focus on the little things?

The Power Of Showing Up

Writing is hard sometimes.

But, I commit to doing it.

The same with hockey.

Some days we don’t want to show up, but the people that continually show up are the ones who will be left standing at the end and make it the farthest. I'm a big believer in that.

A few days ago, I literally sat at my computer for two and a half hours trying to write the “perfect” blog post. I started 4 new articles... stopped on all of them. 

Then, I finally wrote and finished an article and decided to call it a night. While I was brushing my teeth I started to think about how just showing up, or in my case sitting down to write, was often the hardest battle. 

Most days, just showing up is over half the battle. There’s always a reason why you shouldn’t do something...excuses are easy. But showing up everyday is hard, but so worth it. 

It's amazing how you can find a correlation between hockey and so many other things. 

For me, I truly love writing this blog, but that doesn't mean that it's always easy. 

The same is true with hockey. I love the game, but that still doesn't mean that there are days when it's tough to get to the rink. 

I talk a lot about opportunity on this blog. That you always need to be ready to seize the next opportunity that comes your way. Often times, it's on the days when we are questioning everything that the biggest break through might happen. 

This post is the perfect example. 

Almost three hours in front of a computer trying to write an article and I felt like everything that came out sucked and that I had just wasted a lot of time. But, because I showed up and committed to my process of trying to write everyday, a different opportunity ended up presenting itself. 

Instead of writing a post from my computer, I stood in my bathroom in the dark and started to write this post on my phone. Then when I tried to actually go to sleep my 5 month old son decided to start waking up. So while I was giving him a few minutes to decide if he was going to wake up or not, I went out in the other room and sat on the couch and continued to write this blog on my phone. 

What I couldn't accomplish in nearly three hours at a computer, ended up coming together in the middle of the night, in the dark, and on my iPhone. 

It's not at all how I intended it to happen, but, because I showed up a break through occurred. A new opportunity presented itself. 

All I keep thinking about is how this relates so much to hockey. Those days when you don't feel like training, or you don't want to get up early to do that extra skate, or you feel like you need a day off from practice... those are the days when you grow the most. Those are the days when your character really starts to get formed and developed. 

Obviously, there are a lot of things that go into being successful. Many of which I talk about on here, but in order for you to have the chance to work hard, be a great teammate, be coachable, and get better... you have to show up. 

So on those tough days when things don't seem to be going the way you want, or those excuses that start popping into your head start to gain traction, take a step back and remember why you started and 'show up'. 

Show up to the rink with an open mind and an understanding that not every day is going to be perfect. But remember, the players that can be the most consistent and learn to embrace the grind of those tough days are usually the ones left standing at the end. 

So if you take one thing from this today it's that every day you show up is a new opportunity. And that one opportunity to could end up being the one thing that changes it all.

Practice How You Want To Play

While I'm sure we've all heard the saying, "practice how you want to play", the truth behind that message still gets lost on a lot of players and teams. 

I always like to refer to this as the "magic switch". 

There's no such thing as a magic switch that you can just flip on as a player or team and instantly play your best (at least for 99% of the people playing hockey in the world, that statement is true...).

Some people might disagree with this statement a bit, but I'm a huge believer in it. 

I always think that the practice before a game is very indicative to how a team, or individual, is going to start the next day. 

When there's a lack of focus and work ethic in practice there's usually a corresponding slow start to the next game. 

And when I'm talking about a 'bad' practice, I'm not even referencing the execution. I'm referring directly to the attitude, focus, and work ethic of the group. 

We all can have bad days where things don't click, but when the things we can control as players don't show up to the rink, that's when I'm concerned as a coach. 

The same can be said for an individual working on a skill or even taking a lesson. The work ethic, attitude, and focus are the most important measurements of engagement for me. 

I know that if you're bringing those three qualities to the ice, it's going to be a successful day.

Even if the execution isn't perfect, the subconscious habits that you're building are what's really important.

So what do we do about it?

As coaches, I think it's important that we don't always over stress the execution of drills and systems in practice. Trust me, I know it can be frustrating at times when it seems like no one can make a pass or handle the puck, but don't over stress the execution. 

Pay attention to your teams engagement into the drills and practice. What kind of attitude did they bring to the rink? Is there a lot of communication, or is it quiet on the ice? 

Usually, when players have a good attitude, are upbeat and talking, it's going to be a good day. And usually, when you have those things going, the execution portion of practice comes along with it.

For players, it's important to keep things simple. Remind yourself daily to only worry about the things you can control. I know that sounds easy in theory and can be tougher when real life gets in the way, but if you can work on training your mindset to think that way, I guarantee you'll turn into a more consistent player. 

The other thing I talk about is perspective. Remember why you love the game and why you play it. It's amazing how something so simple, and something that really only takes a few minutes at most, can drastically change your attitude and perspective about the day. 

So remember, whether you're a player or a coach, if you can focus your attention in practice to the things you can control (like work ethic, attitude, and focus) the consistency that will be created will make a huge impact on your season.

Every day is an opportunity to get better and enjoy the greatest game on Earth. Make sure you truly cherish that opportunity. 

The Reality Of 'The End'

The end. 

It seems almost funny to start a post with those words, but the end is always one of those inevitable things that we know is coming. 

Seasons start and it's almost like before we know it they come to an end. 

The same can be said with hockey careers. 

Now that I'm a coach I get to see it every year. I get to see how it effects different players realizing, or at least acknowledging, that their hockey career is over. 

For the most part, in my experience, you don't realize that it's actually over and instead just look at it is as another end of the season and a break. It's only after a few months go by that you start to realize that it's actually over... That's when the truth starts to click in.  

I haven't played competitive hockey since 2009 and the crazy thing is that I still miss it. 

I miss the atmosphere, I miss the teammates, the emotions, the competition, and as shocking as it may be I miss the grind. 

The fact that it's actually over is a hard thing to realize when you're caught right in the moment. And it's something that I feel like most players who truly love the game deal with. 

For me personally, I was devastated. It was my senior year of college and we were ramping up for the final month of the season. I knew in the back of my head that the end was on the horizon but I always felt like I had more time. 

Then before I knew it, I tore up my knee and just like that it was done.

Season over. 

Surgery.

6 months of rehab. 

Definitely not how I envisioned it ending, but none the less reality had struck and it was harsh. 

I was lost and I felt like one of the biggest parts of me was gone. I always thought of myself as a hockey player. And now I was being forced to deal with the fact that I wasn't a hockey player anymore, but rather I used to be a hockey player. Man that was a punch to the gut. 

But luckily for me, I was given a chance to stay involved with the game through coaching. 

I've always tried to make a point to those seniors that the ride goes by quick and they need to make the most of every situation and everyday that they get. 

Sure it sounds corny and cheesy to say those things but the reality is that it's true. 

It's hard to make someone realize that something they've spent so much time and energy in, is all the sudden going to be over. 

I've talked a lot about it throughout this blog... making the most of every opportunity and being able to look yourself in the mirror and be proud of the effort from the person looking back at you. 

The truth is, those are the things that will really matter...not some goal that you scored in an arbitrary game.

For all of us, the clock is ticking.

In hockey and in life.

It's crazy how fast everything moves along.

Don't waste a day and don't waste an opportunity because I can guarantee that there's nothing worse than having regret. 

So if you know, or feel, like the end of your career is coming, I challenge you to commit yourself even more. Grind harder than you ever have and make sure you leave it all out on the ice. Don't leave yourself with even the slightest bit of doubt...

Think about it this way....if you fast forwarded your life ten years and thought back to how your playing career ended, how would you want it to be remembered? Don't be that person who was wishing they did more, be that person who said they did all the could and loved every minute of it.

Enjoy the ride because it'll end up being one of the fastest trips you take.

And best of luck to all those players out there who are about the face the reality of 'the end'.

It's About The Journey

It's crazy the things we learn as we get older. 

The older I get and the more I experience, the more I realize that it's not all about the end game. 

It's really all about the journey. 

The journey is where we evolve, learn, and grow. 

Think about it this way... how many of you reading this, or your son or daughter, had aspirations of playing at the highest level? Whether that was making it to the NHL, college hockey, or maybe even just junior hockey.

If you didn't end up making it that far, does that mean that the journey and the grind was a failure? 

For me, when I was little I wanted to play in the NHL just like every other kid. Then, that dream shifted as I started to get older and moved to wanting to play college hockey at the Division I level. 

My journey ultimately ended without achieving any of those things. I never made it to the NHL, and I didn't play Division I hockey. 

I took my abilities as far as I could and ended up playing four years of Division III NCAA hockey. 

But, I don't at all look at that time, energy, and effort as a waste. 

Luckily for me, I learned that it ultimately was never really about the end game. It was about the journey that I went on chasing those dreams that ended up building my character, defining my work ethic, and molding me into who I am today. 

I think to often we can get so wrapped up in the end result that we can lose sight of everything we're gaining along the way. 

The journey is ultimately where you learn the life lessons that will help define your success in the future. 

Without facing rejection, learning to overcome obstacles, or really understanding what it means to commit and work for something, I wouldn't be the person I am today. 

The end result is just the end result. Whether you get there or not can't be the only deciding factor to base your success on. 

Learn to embrace the journey and all that comes along with it. 

I think this lesson is so valuable to hockey players. 

If you're serious about the game, you have to be in for the long haul. It's definitely a journey to get to the places you want to go. People often see others who are at the top of the pecking order, whether that is the NHL or college hockey, and forget that they all had to go on a journey to get where they are too. 

We all have a different path and a different journey to our success. And remember that everyone is going to face different obstacles and moments of adversity, but it's through those moments that we'll continue to grow and define our own individual success. 

So learn to embrace the grind, keep things in perspective, and enjoy the journey. 

How To Deal With Critics

"You don't know what you're doing..."

I'm sure all the coaches out there who are reading this have heard this line before. 

I know I have.

In fact, if people are really being honest with themselves, there's probably a few parents reading this right now who have said those exact words about a coach. 

Unfortunately, it seems like it has become the norm in sports, hockey included. 

If there's one thing that I've learned over the past seven plus years being a head coach it's that it's impossible to make everyone happy. 

As crazy as it may sound, I think coming to this realization has actually helped me a ton as a coach. 

My first few years as a head coach, I wanted to make everyone happy. It made sense, I was young (24 years old) and inexperienced. 

It was like anything you do for the first time... there was definitely a learning curve. 

But, also like anything, you learn from your experiences and gain more confidence in your abilities as time goes by. Just like I tell my players, as a coach and person, I want to get 1% better everyday too. 

For players, there's always critics too.

From our peers, to scouts, to parents, to coaches... it seems like someone is always judging the way you play. 

The reality is that's the world we live in.

So as a player how do you deal with it? 

For me, it comes down to two fairly simple principles (and they actually work off of one another...)

1. Be Genuine

Now obviously that's a very wide open answer that can be taken a number of different ways. But, when I say genuine, I mean that you are truthful to yourself and your teammates. That you are honest about the work you are putting in and your commitment to the group. It's easy to say the right things to people, but what are your actions really saying? 

2. The Mirror Test

When you look at yourself in the mirror, are you proud of the person looking back at you? I said earlier that these two ideas work off of each other for a reason. If you're being honest with yourself and your teammates, you should have no problem looking in the mirror at the person who's looking back at you. You've laid it all on the line and can be proud of the effort. That doesn't always mean you get the result you, or your team, wanted, but you can be proud of the effort. 

Speaking personally, it's amazing how much these ideas have helped me grow as a person, player, and coach. 

The way I look at things is that if you can follow these two guidelines then no one has any sort of real justification to be critical of you. You worked as hard as you could and you did the best job that you could... it's pretty tough to argue with that. And the people that continue to be critical are simply just noise. They're the people that aren't going to be productive in your development and aren't going to bring you any value anyway, so why let them and their comments bother you?

That doesn't mean that it always makes things easier. Being told that you're an idiot or that you have no idea what you're doing never feels good. But, the reality is there's always going to be someone out there who doesn't like the job you do or the answer you give. The same can be said with decisions. There will still be tough decisions that need to be made and not everyone will always agree with them. That's the reality of life. 

But for me, if I can look myself in the mirror at the end of the night and know that the decision that I made came from a good place with a good intention then that's all I can do. Of course mistakes will be made and lessons will be learned, but for me, they are more manageable when I know that they've come from a place of trying to do the right thing. 

Be real with yourself. Be proud of the person looking back at you. And shut out the critics.